Veera the Volunteera meets … Gobbolina

Helllooo. Veera heera. Ah thought Ah’d check in with all Ma friends and tell them about Gobbolina, the witch’s cat, who is alive and well and very keen to find a home of ‘er own. Of course, because of issues like data protection, privacy what-nots, a sheer lack of permission to do this and the legion of fans Ah have literally beating at Ma door day and night, Ah cannot tell you exactly where Gobbolina is currently residing. However, if you send a message via the contact form on this ‘ere website, then ‘er what looks after these matters can tell Ya where Gobbolina doth hang out. Since Ah am channelling the thoughts from Gobbolina’s mind, Ah shall write as if Ah am ‘er. Over to Gobbolina…

Hello humans. I am so sorry you’ve had to put up with that strange Veera woman’s ramblings. Less of her, more of me; without further ado I can confirm that… yes… I really am… Gobbolina, the almost identical (though clearly not since I’m a girl and he’s a boy) twin sister of Gobbolino, he of The Witch’s Cat fame. I was originally supposed to be the star of that book, just take a look at the original front cover. However, my loving and giving nature purrrrsuaded me to allow my runty little brother to take the limelight, after all, I don’t need the fame and fortune. One wiggle of my whiskers and ‘puuuuff’, I get whatever I want. I am, after all, schooled in the ways of the witch.

I am actively searching for the purrrrfect coven to adopt and adore me, and keep me in the style to which I am accustomed. Hedge witches, nature worshippers and those who partake in the strange, occult art of yoga are also strongly encouraged to apply for me. I am able to offer, in return, a range of clever spell-craft, the occasional decapitated mouse body in your bed, and my unwavering devotion for the remainder of my days. Which considering I’m only a year or so old, is quite a while.

So you want to know what I do? Well I have a few signature talents. The first is that I am a Prima Ballerina. I have danced with the best of them; Nureyev, Nijinsky, Lionel Blair. Oh yes, I may be small in stature but I COMMAND the Royal Opera House with my slinky good looks, amazing balance and ability to land on my feet after the most thrilling of Grand Jetés. I do get a little distracted by the ribbons on my ballet shoes every so often, on account of being a cat but one tries to be professional at all times (There it is again!!! Catch it!!! Get it!!! Grab the ribbon!!! Oh, my shoe has fallen off…)(Catch it!!! Get it!!! Grab the shoe!!!).

What else? I’m terribly good at hexing little insecty, buggy, creepy creatures into members of 80’s bands. I’ve had great success with turning spiders into Robert Smith of The Cure, dragonflies into Buster Bloodvessel from Bad Manners and beetles into Nick Beggs from Kajagoogoo. (Yes, youngsters, there WAS once a band called Kajagoogoo. I don’t have any more idea than you do, about how that ever became possible). I’ve been working on using tinned fish to conjure up any number of current actors and actresses but have had limited success with achieving multiple Benedict Humperdincks as I keep eating the sardines. And tuna. Dang.

OK, last one now. My magickal heritage has given me the ability to travel through time which I have done with gay abandon. Look closely at any number of portraits from the great and good throughout time and you may just catch a glimpse of my stunning green eyes. Who do you think whispered the words of the plays into Mr. Shakespeare’s ears? Who purrrrsuaded Charles the Second to get the bleep out of that tree and put on his big-boy pants and crown? (Shame I didn’t have more influence over his passion for those flippin’ spaniels though, blimmin’ things, always chasing me!!!) Who insisted on being Tutankhamun’s right-hand cat, thus elevating the importance of kitties to GODDESS STATUS? Eh? Who, eh? My darkling, shape-shifting exterior has come in mighty handy for blending into all manner of places and holding counsel with movers, shakers, and candlestick makers the world over.

Being the delectable creature that I am, I’m looking for a refined and intelligent home, where I will be allowed to indulge in my passions for dancing, hexing, and time travel. However, if I can find human love, a comfy cushion and the occasional bowl of delicious kitty-milk then I’m prepared to change my ways. Less sorcery and more saucery if you get my drift. Come and get me. Please. Or I might be forced to turn that Veera into a plastic cat-litter tray just for my own amusement…

***The Management writes:  “a stunt double (i.e. Veera’s lovely neighbour’s cat) was used in all photographs, however the stories depicted are all entirely true. The REAL Gobbelina’s identity must be kept secret to protect the innocent…………..”

Moral of the story……don’t take drugs kids………

Tags:

About the Author

Ma name is Veeera Dolittle and Ah was born with a very special gift; Ah can talk to the animals! Ah can give Yoo the low-down on what they're reeeeealy thinking and doing when no-one's around. Ah share Ma gift with the multitude of Animal Rescue Centres up and down the country, where Ah spend a goodly proportion of Ma time VOLUNTEERING. During Ma time with the animals, they tell Ma some mighty fine and wondrous stories - Ah feel it is time for Ma to share them with the wuuuurld.

Post a Reply

Top