I don’t know the square root of bugger all

And now I need to put my money where my mouth is, so’s to speak. And I find myself asking the question “what the jiggery-pokery have I got to say to the world that the world hasn’t already heard?” What can I possibly have to say that might be of interest to the odd passer-by of this site? What do I know? What am I good at? (this is now the sound of a very quiet pause………..and me thinking……..and slightly panicking as I realise I don’t know the square root of bugger all about very much at all…….and I’m still pausing….and thinking………and……well today maybe I’ll just start with pondering some truths………..)

As the wrinkles get deeper on this old face, I am learning more truths about myself, one of which is that I appear to be able to turn normal situations into fairly humorous anecdotes just by writing them down. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not a skill in which I am particularly adept via the spoken word; my verbal conversations usually consist of me stuttering, choking and burbling like an idiot while a little droplet of frothy dribble trickles down my face. I am not vocally eloquent by any stretch of the imagination. But I have been told that I do seem to be able to take the most mundane subject and jazz it up a bit with a little word-smithery. Of course my friends could be lying about my hilariously intelligent musings on life-in-general, in a sycophantic attempt to persuade me to lend them my power-tools/babysit their naughty children/charm the rats from under their garden sheds (I’m famous for it)/do their quadratic equation maths homework. I have actually been asked to do all those things over the past year. Even though I have no power-drill. Weird.

So that’s maybe what I will do to start with. Offer a perspective on the most ordinary of lives (mine). Explain why fostering this little ball of fluff has suddenly inspired within me the deep desire to make more of a difference in this world, to do good stuff, maybe to ease a little discomfort with a funny anecdote or two (I want to type ‘pain’ instead of discomfort but I feel in no shape or form qualified to think I could help ease pain – that’s playing with the ‘big boys’). My intentions are worthy; my aim is to make you smile, expand your understanding, create a feeling of connection…or relief…or motivation, to help your day pass a little easier and smoother. Vaseline will probably do the same thing but will stain your bedsheets. The moral of the story? Choose me and not Vaseline*.

*Other brands of petroleum jelly are available, but none of them are ecologically sustainable, whereas I’m a bona fida Greenie. I cannot claim to moisturise your lips though.


About the Author

Magickal Beanist, busy mummy, committed vegan, ardent recycler, obsessive knitter, recent jogger, animal lover, Cotswold dweller, ridiculous writer, attempts to live a conscious, magickal life by design. Enjoys a large glass of bubbly stuff at the weekend. And I'm not talking about washing up liquid if you know what I mean. Contact me through the website. Your reward will be good karma and a friend for life ;o)

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